Bad News

He has a particularly aggressive tumour. If he has treatment he may live for twelve months, if he does not, he may have three months.

How does a person face this? How do his loved ones face this? He has a twin brother who was described as being "incoherent with grief". He has a wife and a new little daughter.

If it were me I would be straight to a counsellor. I'm having enough trouble dealing with it and I'm not even related to them. I've never had anything like this so close to me. I know these people, have eaten with these people. They never hurt anyone, don't deserve this. Why?

Would I want to prolong the inevitable? Or would I take the short cut? Would I want my family to watch me suffer for months on end or would I bring it to a short sharp end?

Would I stop working and devote my life to him if it were my son? He would not want that.

I would not be able to watch TV, read a book, act normal in any way if it were my son. I would want to scream at everyone, tell the world, destroy something with my bare hands, demand answers.. why?

But life is like that. And in actual fact people suffer worse things than this. Much worse things. Six billion people on this earth. I know this one who has a death sentence.

Pilates

I went to Pilates today. I've been going quite regularly. Partly in an effort to keep fit and supple and partly to be able to work alongside my partner when we go digging for rocks.

At last, today, the air conditioner at the gym has been repaired. Exercising in 30-35 degrees Celcius is not funny. But they still had all the windows open??

This class uses the 'fit ball'. A large, strong ball that we use to exercise with. I had no idea you could do so much with, on, about and under a ball. They come in various sizes so as to suit tall people to short people. I got there late and the only one left was huge, for me that is.

We bounce, we lift arms, we lift legs, all the time holding in those 'abs'. We lean on it, we lift it, with arms and legs. And we 'swim' on it! I always wonder if anyone is peering through that glass door at the back of the room. No, I shouldn't. The 'swimming' on a ball too large for one was quite a challenge and became extremely funny when the instructor pointed it out. Thankyou, not.

Slow is good..... We are ballerinas...... Slow is strong..... Lengthen.... Or should I say llllleeeennnngtheeenn.

Blue

Today I hear of a twin very ill in hospital. The discovery of a brain tumour. His twin brother is beside himself with grief. As is his wife and family. He is on the operating table. It does not look good.

I also have twin sons and have tried to imagine the devastation to one as a result of the loss of the other. I have tried to imagine it because I thought I should, to prepare for that possiblity. I have done this when I have seen the extreme happiness they have had together.

If I were to lose my son, no, this is beyond comprehension and something I cannot and do not wish to imagine.

I went out into the garden and tried to think of this twin and his brother and his family with positive thoughts. Some call this praying. I call it using that part of ourselves we know so little about but a part some of us know can make a difference sometimes. Some call that 'God'. I don't. We have such a huge amount of power but use it so little. Some of us use it unconsciously. I just want to use it and make a happy ending. I wish.

I have not blogged very much and was wondering what it's all about and 'why'. Now I know. I needed to say all this to 'someone' and no one.


Later...

No news is good news. But is it? Is my friend with her family, very distressed. This is what blogs are for. For unloading without worrying anyone.

And why is our Prime Minister allowing our troops to go to the front line in Iraq? Is he mad?

Purple

This particular day I went shopping I needed three things. I'm not a great shopper, just tend to look for what I need to buy, buy it and go home again. On arriving home I find that all three things I bought are purple! They say purple is a spiritual colour. Is it? Was I having a 'spiritual' day?

"The Colour Purple" was an amazing film.

I shared a bedroom with one of my older sisters back in the seventies. We had a 'psychedelic' picture of Jimi Hendrix on our wall. It was purple.

I love the sound of that group of women called "Amazing Ladies who wear Purple and a Red Hat". What a wonderful idea. They are ladies who decided to "greet middle age with humour and a touch of class".